The Ultimate Heel

Tonight is April 9th, 2018.  For most people, this is just another Sunday night.  But for fans of professional wrestling, this is Wrestlemania weekend.  It’s as close as we get to a holy weekend.  No matter what flavor of wrestling and/or sports entertainment one prefers, this is the best weekend for it.  Imagine the Super Bowl and San Diego Comic Con got together and invited Game of Thrones over for a 3-way.  That’s what it’s like for wrestling fans.

Full disclosure, I am a HUGE fan of professional wrestling.  It is my favorite form of live theater, and one of my favorite forms of storytelling.  I have watched wrestling since I was a little kid, I have written many stories about wrestling in various forums and locations, and I’ve been to several shows in my life.  Hell, I’ve even wrestled a couple matches and booked a few matches for a local backyard organization.  I have a unique appreciation for the physicality, mentality, and discipline needed to perform in the squared circle.

Yes, I called it live theater.  Because that’s what professional wrestling is; it’s closer to ballet than boxing, figure skating than cage fighting. Miss Saigon than Muay Thai.  So, calling it fake, aside from being an insult to the men and women who risk their bodies and lives doing this day in and out, completely misses the point of professional wrestling and sports entertainment.  Here’s a video from Max Landis that helps illustrate the point.

Wrestling runs the gambit from physical battles between two sets of skilled performers to some of the craziest, funniest, and weirdest storytelling available.  Like this match between a Demi-god and a Reincarnated agent of the Seven Deities.  Seriously, there’s a section where one of them decides whether to run the other over with a wheel char (“Chair of Wheels”) or a riding mower (“Mower of Lawns”).  That wasn’t even the weirdest part of the match.

So, what does this wrestling have to do with politics?  Let’s start with WWE Hall of Fame Inductee Donald Trump.  Yes, that’s right.  Not only does the WWE have it’s own Hall of Fame, but Donald Trump is an inductee into their Celebrity Wing.  He’s worked with WWE’s principal owners Vince and Linda McMahon for more than 30 years, hosting multiple Wrestlemania’s at Trump properties, and has been involved in multiple storylines over the years.  Linda McMahon was named by Trump to run the Small Business Administration.

But while I could probably go into the various rumors of Trump’s ties to the McMahon’s, I want to have some fun instead.   I’m going to book Trump’s rise to the Presidency as if it were a wrestling story., and how Donald J. Trump is the Ultimate Heel, or bad guy.

Before I begin, I’ll be using a lot wrestling-specific terms.  Please see the Terms and Definitions section.


Back in 2008, a young upstart named Barack Obama defeated HRC in a  2 out of 3 falls match for the Democratic Championship.  The Barack would go on to beat “The Old Warhorse” John McCain in a Title vs. Title match to win the American Presidential Championship.

The Barack creates a stable consisting of himself, HRC, “The OG AG” Eric Holder, and Uncle Joe Biden.  They call themselves “The 44th”.  Together, they fight various groups led by “The Turtle” Mitch McConnell, The Brothers Koch, and Wall Street, one of the most formidable stables in history.  But the ugliest feud is with AQ, and their leader Osama bin Laden.  Osama, also called UBL, fought against The Barack in a Loser Leaves Town match.  The Barack defeats UBL with a new finisher, Seal Team Six.

While The 44th feuds with AQ, a new heel stable comes around called The Birthers.  They   are a group of racist wrestlers, most of them old and angry that The Barack, the first black American Presidential Champion, is more successful than they are, so they continuously attack the legitimacy of his title run.  One of the members of The Birthers is “The Billion Dollar Man” Donald Trump, a charismatic but unathletic performer who got over with his promos against The Barack.  The only time they met directly in the ring, The Barack, wiped the floor with him in a warm-up match before his fight against UBL.

After an 8 year reign, it was time for The Barack to step aside as American Presidential Champion.  The next champion would be decided after two tournaments are held for Democratic and Republican Championships.  The winners of those tournaments would face off against each other in a Title vs. Title match.

The Democratic Championship should have been easy for Uncle Joe, but due to a family disaster, he had to withdraw from the championship match against HRC.  Instead, HRC fought against the Indie Darling “Socialist” Bernie Sanders.  Their feud lasted for months, and HRC carried him to a good match, but in the championship post-match promo, Sanders no-sold HRC, claiming that the ref was on the take and the match was rigged against him.

The Republican Championship battle was a clusterfuck.  Everyone and their mother wanted a shot at the Republican strap.  Since there were so many people fighting, there were a series of 3 battle royals, and the winners of those battle royals would face each other in a ladder match for the title.

By this time “The Billion Dollar Man” had formed a new stable called Trump Org with the old members of The Birthers, his “family”, and some new blood like “Mad Dog” Roger Stone, General Mike Flynn, “The Ukrainian Fixers” Paul Manafort and Rick Gates, “The Foreign Policy Team” of Dr. Carter Page, Georgie P, and “Wham Bam” Sam Clovis.  Along with Gory Corey and Hope in Trump’s corner calling the shots, Trump won one of the battle royals.  The other two were won by “The Cruz Missile” Ted Cruz and Marco.

The three winners faced off in a Ladder Match.  While Cruz and Marco beat the ever loving hell out of each other, Trump stepped back and let Trump Org do all of his dirty work.  Even by cheating, he couldn’t win outright.  Trump was so badly out of shape that all he had to do was climb a ladder, and he had to have his crew carry him up the ladder.  His VP, Reverend Pence, held the ladder for him.

After winning the Republican Championship, Trump attacked HRC on the mic something fierce, and broke every rule to get an advantage.  This included getting outside help from The Brothers Koch, Old Man Rupert, Hobo Steve, and some unknown assailants.

In the buildup to their match, a secret tag team called The Bears, Cozy and Fancy, attacked HRC and her team.  Mad Dog said he was working with The Bears and their manager, G2.

With all of that interference, and rumors of the ref being bribed, Trump beat HRC in a very ugly match with some of the worst ring work and no-selling in any match in a long time.

But something was off with that.  In the promo work before the match, Trump bragged about how easy it was to pay off a referee, and because of that if he didn’t win, it was proof that HRC paid off the ref.  He also bragged about how much we wanted to work with a rival wrestling federation, the Russian Wrestling Federation.  That wouldn’t normally be a problem, but the rules for the American Presidential Championship ship specify that only members of the USA Wrestling Organization can take part in any way, shape, or form in the title match.

After Trump won the title, he started working with a new stable, FRWL, From Russia With Love.  FRWL worked with Trump Org on a lot of matches, and went out of their way to interfere on their behalf.

Things went too far when Trump defeated Comey The Giant in a match and then fired Comey for joining Trump Org.  After that, and Sally Yates losing a Loser Leaves Town match to Mike Flynn’s cheating, a new stable was formed by DAG, the Justice League.  And leading that was none other than Comey’s old Mentor, Bobby Three Sticks.

Bobby Three Sticks is a former FBI Champion, winner of the Super Justice Cup, and a specialist when it comes to fighting the corrupt.

Problem is, when he was last wrestling, he was the biggest heel at the time.  What changed?

Trump changed things.  By Trump drawing so much heat as a heel, anyone facing against him would get over as a face.  Hell, even Trump Org’s own Keebler Nazi got face cheers the couple times he spoke out against Trump.  But with a talent as skilled as Bobby Three Sticks, the crowd stared looking forward to each and every match, as the details come out about how much FRWL worked with Trump Org to attack HRC and steal the Presidential Championship.

Now, “The Billion Dollar Man” Donald Trump is looking to face Bobby Three Sticks in a cage match.  Inside of a cage match, Trump Org can’t help their boss.  It will be just Trump and Bobby.  One on One.



Kayfabe: the contained reality in which wrestling exists and where it’s real.  At least, where it takes itself seriously.

Match:  A contest between two or more parties, with or without various stipulations, such as a change of venue, use of weapons, or number of pinfalls.  A standard match has one fall, or round, but a common stipulation is to have a best 2 out of 3 falls match.

Heel:  Bad guy.

Face:  Good guy, short for Babyface.

Angle:  Storyline.

Feud:  A long-term storyline between two parties, typically resulting in a blow-off match.

Blow-Off Match:  The culmination of a feud, often times in a match with high stakes, such as a title on the line or a stipulation.

Gimmick:  Aspect of a character’s personality that makes them stand apart from other competitors.

Battle Royal:  A match where multiple individual participants compete where people are eliminated by being thrown out of the ring, over the top rope and land on the floor.  The last one left in the ring wins.

Tag Team:  Two wrestlers fighting as a team, where one person is a legal competitor and the other stands on the side of the ring.  The legal person changes when the people touch, or “tag” each other to change who is in the ring.

Stable:  A group of wrestlers working together for a common goal.

Championship:  A prop used to determine the best wrestler in a certain class.  Almost always in the shape of a thick leather belt with decorative plates and jewels.  Also known as a Title, Belt, or Strap.

Booking:  The writing or scripting of a match or angle.

Spot:  A series or sequence of moves or actions in a match.

Going Over:  Winning a match.

Getting Over:  Becoming popular with the crowd.

Drawing Heat:  Having the crowd hate you.

Doing the job:  Losing a match.  Also known as Doing the Honors.

Referee:  In Kayfabe, person who enforces the rules during a match.  Outside of Kayfabe, they serve as a director, coordinating the actions of the wrestlers, and moving the story forward from one sequence to the next.

Disqualification:  Breaking the rules by either ignoring the referee’s instructions or a blatant violation of rules and norms.

Working Stiff:  Hitting an opponent with more strength.  Not pulling a punch as much.

Lucha Libre:  The Mexican style of Professional Wrestling, symbolized by the use of ceremonial masks to hide one’s identity and high-flying aerial maneuvers.

Strong Style:  The Japanese style of wrestling symbolized by a combination of martial arts moves, working stiff, and aerial attacks.

Foreign Objects:  External items, such as chairs, tables, fire extinguishers, or any other props.  Unless specified, the use of such objects is prohibited.

Ladder Match:  A type of wrestling contest in which the contestants compete for an item of importance, such as a title, a monetary reward, or a promise for a future opportunity.  The only way to reach this item is to climb a ladder.  During this kind of match, foreign objects are legal.

Sell:  The act of making a move or attack look more devastating than it actually is.

No Sell:  Refusing to make a move look effective.

Pin:  Holding an opponent’s shoulders flat on the mat.  Also known as a pinfall.

Cage Match:  A match contested inside of a cage where victory conditions include pinfall, submission, or escaping the cage before the opponent.

Loser Leaves Town:  A match stipulation in which the loser of the match has to leave the wrestling organization.  This was common during the older days of wrestling when wrestlers would travel across regional territories, or if it was necessary to write a character out due to contract reasons.

Title versus Title:  A match stipulation in which two champions fight against each other, with both parties putting their titles on the line.  Winner takes both titles.

Submission:  Making one’s opponent give up.  Also known as Tapping Out, the motion of smacking something repeatedly.  This is how a submission is communicated if the recipient of the move is unable to tell the referee that they quit.

Finisher:  A move typically used by a wrestler to end a match.

Entrance Music:  The music that plays to accompany a wrestler to the ring.  This sometimes includes pyrotechnics.

Promo:  Promotional speech.  Also called Mic Work, this is a wrestler talking about their opponent, their current angle, or an upcoming match.

Indie Darling:  A fan favorite wrestler from the independent circuit.

Botch:  A mistake.


Casting the Russian Investigation Movie

NOTE:  I started writing this during the Oscar ceremony, but came down with a headache halfway through, so I called it a night.  That’s why it starts off the way it does.


Oscar Night.

It’s that time of year again where people sit around and watch actors and actresses star in movies that most people haven’t seen, usually about the human condition like forbidden love stories between a woman and a fish, or a man in his 30’s with a teenage boy, or character pieces about world leaders in trying times, or about telling about how hard life is, yet so inspirational at the same time.  Meanwhile, the movies that people have seen only show up in technical categories, because movies about superheroes fighting an alien Kurt Russel isn’t as “good” as a movie about billboards in a small town.

It’s also a night where people talk about movies that challenged the status quo, or point out hypocrisy.  Movies about bringing truth to power, and highlighting those that fought against tyranny.

So, at some point in the future, there will be a movie made about Trump and Russia.  Probably several movies.  And an HBO series.  And a Netflix series.  Maybe some porn parodies, too.

Some of them will be serious as a heart attack, others will be light-hearted.  Others will be big “FUCK YOU” to Trump.

Tonight, I’m going to case three movies.  I will cast a serious movie, a comedy movie, and a FUCK YOU movie.  The plot points aren’t as important, but if there’s anything crazy for one of them, I’ll point it out.

Also, while looks are somewhat important, it’s the essence of the performance that makes more impact.  For example, James Comey is 6’8″ (a solid 2 meters tall), but it’s easier to use camera tricks to get someone to look taller than it is to find a great actor who’s that tall.



A story about the election, Russia, and the team that investigated what happened.

Hillary Clinton – Allison Janey

Robert Mueller – Willem Dafoe

Steve Bannon – Nick Offerman

James Comey – Michael Shannon

Vladimir Putin – Kevin Spacey  Yes, I know he’s on the shit list right now, but a small role as a villain could be right up his alley.



A day in the life of the Trump Administration.  Imagine “The West Wing” meets The Peter Principle.

Donald Trump – Tom Cruise

John Kelly – J. K. Simmons

Steve Bannon – Eric Roberts  I was going to go with Nick Offerman here, but the thought of Emma Roberts as Hope Hicks getting into a screaming match with her real life father made me giggle.

Ivanka Trump – Margot Robbie

Hope Hicks – Emma Roberts

Jared Kushner – Eddie Redmayne

Barack Obama – Keegan-Michael Key



A story of forbidden love between a father and daughter, set against the disastrous backdrop of the Trump Presidency.  (Warning:  There is a “love” scene in which Ivanka pegs Donald, while Jared watches)

Donald Trump – Kevin Hart

Ivanka Trump – Leslie Jones

Jared Kushner – Haley Joel Osment

Barack Obama – LeBron James


That’s it for today. Things are building up from over the weekend, and there’s some big shit flying today already.

I’ll update this more over time, as I flush out the stories and characters.

Drip, Drip, Drip

This article is a little change of pace from the normal daily posts, and jumps into the realm of speculation. I’m going to answer a question I’ve seen on Reddit and Twitter several times since this whole mess started.

“If it’s as bad as they’ve said it is, and the spooks knew, why are we just getting a piece or two at a time?”

The first part refers to the theft, espionage, and treason committed by Donald Trump, his staff, campaign, and the Republican Party.

Spooks in that sentence refers to spies, like the CIA, NSA, MI6, FVEY, and every other country in the world.

The last part is about the steady pulse of information and stories coming out about the investigation, like a faucet dripping.

To answer this question, I’d like to War Game out what I think could have happened had we gotten the whole story at once.

For this exercise, just like in Geometry class, we need to state our assumptions.


  • At least 70% of the rumors are true. Trump, his staff, family, and Campaign committed election fraud, espionage, and treason with the Russians reporting to Vladimir Putin.
  • The Right Wing Media, including Fox News, Breitbart, Daily Caller, snd InfoWars, knowingly spread propaganda originating from Russia.
  • Russian money was laundered to the Republican National Committee, and that the leaders of the Party assisted in those matters.
  • Social Media sites like Facebook, Twitter, and Reddit not only let Russians use their platforms to spread propaganda and influence the election, but those platforms profited from it.
  • Intelligence organizations the world wide knew all of the above.
  • All of the events up to the election are the same.
  • All events in this War Game are based off of a quick strike hypothesis, in which the Obama government moves fast after the election.
  • Following Murphy’s Law, several things go wrong. Horrifically wrong, and at the worst time.


November 8, 2016

Election Day. Even though Donald Trump loses the popular vote by more than 3 million votes, he squeezes out a minuscule margin in three key states to win enough presumptive votes in the electoral college to become the assumed President-Elect.

November 9, 2016

While the MSM starts asking what went wrong, President Obama meets with the National Security Council. They know what they know, and have three choices. They can either act swiftly to stop Trump from becoming President, let jurisprudence take its toll, or let our allies handle Trump.

This is where the War Game diverges from the regular timeline. In this War Game, Obama chooses to remove the Trump threat immediately. Operation: Bystro (fast in Russian) is authorized. Donald Trump will be arrested right away, along with his family members, staff members, Vice President-Elect Mike Pence, Mitch McConnell, Paul Ryan, Jason Chaffetz, several Russians involved that live in the United States, and several people at Fox News like Sean Hannity and Rupert Murdoch, as well as people at Facebook, Twitter, Reddit, Breitbart, and other websites. On top of these arrests, several media outlets would close to control panic and the narrative.

It’s decided that since most of the principals will be in Washington the next day, the move will be made when Trump visits the White House.

Several people question the timing of implementing this plan so quickly. If one piece of the operation misses the window, then there could be a disaster.

Still, the administration presses on with Operation: Bystro.

November 10

Trump meets with Obama in the White House. Everything seems like normal, until senior FBI officials walk into the meeting, joined by the head of the Secret Service. The SS Agents are confused as the FBI officials make their way to Trump and arrest him for a whole slew of charges, including espionage.

Across town, Paul Ryan and Mitch McConnell are picked up from a meeting they were attending. Jeff Sessions is arrested at his office.

In New York, Don Jr. and Eric are in Trump Tower with their families. Paul Manafort is downstairs in his suite.

A ruckus is raised outside as a squad of FBI agents roll up to the building.

Across town, the Fox News HQ is about to get some unexpected visitors.

The plan has kicked off, and not even a half hour in, the first SNAFU occurs. One of Rudy Giuliani’s moles finds out about the plan and informs Rudy, right before being rounded up. Rudy calls a producer at Fox News just minutes before the FBI gets there and breaks the story that Donald Trump has been arrested, and that the rest of the family, and his staff, are wanted. Rudy hops in his car and leaves his place, moments before the G-Men get there.

As Fox News is breaking this story, they go dark. In mid-sentence, they go dark.

Twitter, Facebook, and Reddit are visited by FBI Agents in San Francisco. Their presence is tweeted and retweeted millions of times that day. The three biggest social media sites start acting a little wonky, then go silent.

The White House announces that they will hold a press briefing at 15:00 EST, followed that evening by a national address by President Obama.

Jared and Ivanka are airborne at the time, but they’re alerted to these developments by Rudy. They instruct the pilot to get out of American air space as quickly as possible. The pilot complies.

Mike Flynn and his son are also arrested in New York.

The next disaster of the day occurs at Don Jr.’s arrest. One of his bodyguards opens fire on the FBI agents, and is killed.

Carter Page, thinking he’s some kind of hero, greets the agents coming to arrest him with a shotgun. One agent is hurt, but not killed. Carter is killed in response.

At 15:00, the White House releases a statement, saying that neither the President nor President-Elect will be available for a press statement, and that President Obama will address the nation that night.

As this is going on, a lone reporter from the Washington Post gets a shot of Donald Trump and some of his cronies being escorted into the back of a van, and he’s wearing handcuffs.

Rudy Giuliani is stopped at a traffic stop a trying to get out of New York City. As the NYPD stops him, the FBI show up to apprehend him. This turns into a stand-off between the two law enforcement agencies. A minor scuffle breaks out between them, until senior officers from both sides show up to calm everyone down. They reach an agreement. Rudy will be allowed to be taken home, but he will be under house arrest until the morning, when he’ll be taken out of town.

Jared and Ivanka’s plane deviates from its flight path, and heads for the Caribbean. Air traffic controllers are confused by this move. Eventually, someone from the USIC informs them that the plane is full of fugitives. F-16’s are scrambled from Florida to intercept, but the plane is already within Cuban air space.

In the evening, news of Trump’s arrest hits the news, along with everything going on at Fox News, Facebook, and Twitter. Several people are seen leaving Fox News HQ under arrest, including Sean Hannity.

At night, President Obama addresses the nation. He announces that Donald Trump had been arrested for election fraud, money laundering, RICO, and espionage. He also goes on to indicate that the Russian Government had helped Trump steal the election, and that while they were still investigating whether actual votes were changed, he does admit that voting rolls were hacked, which caused millions of voters to be denied the right to vote. The nation is an in unprecedented constitutional crisis, but America will prevail.


The country is dazed as, over the next couple weeks, more and more information comes out about the depths Donald Trump sunk to in order to win the presidency.

The government is shaken, as many members of the House and Senate were arrested for accepting campaign funds from Russia.

Right Wing Media doesn’t know how to react. On the one hand, Trump committed treason. On the other hand, screw Obama and Clinton. Many of the websites, like Breitbart and InfoWars, lose their hosting, but soon come back with Russian domains.

Twitter and Facebook return to semi-normal operations. Fox News remains off the air, as their role in spreading propaganda comes to light.

Alex Jones dies in a standoff with police executing an arrest warrant. After shooting at the police and killing two officers, he eventually takes his own life via shotgun haircut.


Tensions are running high. Protests on both sides get ugly across the country. Violence occurs at one rally in Minneapolis, where Trump supporters attacked HRC supporters that were protesting a recent attack on a mosque. At least once a week, there’s an attack from one side or the other.

Jared and Ivanka show up on Breitbart Russia. They talk about being harassed on the run, and of their heroic escape from Cuba to El Salvador to China to Russia. This is completely made up, but Trump’s supporters eat it up with a spoon. They call on “true patriots to do what must be done.”

DECEMBER 19, 2016

The Electoral College, after being given a classified briefing on the election, vote in favor of Hilary Clinton to become the 45th President of the United States of America. She wins in considerable fashion, pulling in over 350 votes. Out of the remainder, about 40 of them still voted for Donald Trump, 100 abstained, and the rest split between John Kasich, Marco Rubio, and Ted Cruz. Tim Kaine becomes the Vice President.


Tensions continue to rise throughout the country. Small bands of Trump supporters take up the call to “do what must be done.” Fringe groups on the right and left join together to take a stand against government tyranny.

JANUARY 3, 2017

In the most bizarre Congressional session in history, the Senate convenes and refuses to certify the previous election or the Electoral College counts. This standoff ends with a compromise. HRC will name several key members of the Republican Party to her cabinet, as well as offer amnesty to low-level Republican members of Congress that didn’t knowingly accept money from Russia or aid Trump, in exchange for certifying the election results. Clinton and Obama agree.

JANUARY 20, 2017

Hilary Clinton is sworn in as POTUS. Throughout the day, riots break out across the country. Protests and counter-protests turn violent.

From Russia, the cries for violence and revenge grow louder.


The first series of coordinated attacks takes place in Portland, OR, as white supremacists attack several mosques, temples, and synagogues in a 72 hour period. Similar attacks occur in South Carolina, Alabama, and Pennsylvania.

MARCH 6, 2017

Following repeated calls from Jared Kushner and Ivanka Trump through Russian sponsored Breitbart, an assassination attempt is made on HRC. She escapes injured, but lives. The assassin was a male follower of the Alt-Right.


The first trials begin in the espionage saga of United States vs Trump. Many staffers turn state evidence to implicate their bosses.

Michael Flynn is found guilty of espionage and sentenced to death.

Paul Manafort is found guilty of many crimes, and is sentenced to a very long stay in Federal prison, pending extradition to Ukraine.

Steve Bannon kills himself in prison awaiting trial.

JUNE 15, 2017

Another assassination attempt is made at Hilary Clinton, but this time she’s not so lucky. She was shot by a young woman who at first was a supporter of Bernie Sanders, but eventually joined Team Trump. This woman will turn out to be a Russian agent provocateur. HRC is shot three times, and spends two weeks in a coma. Tim Kaine becomes the Acting President.

JUNE 30, 2017

HRC is pulled off of life support and dies. Tim Kaine is sworn in as the 46th President of the United States.


Nothing happens in the Congress as half of the House is in legal limbo, awaiting trial for election fraud and campaign finance violations. The Senate is in shambles as well.

Violence spreads across the country, with organized paramilitary groups openly taking part in armed attacks against government officials and buildings. The worst of these attacks takes place in Idaho, where the Governor called in the State Militia to try to keep the peace. It turned into a massacre as State Militia, US Military, and Armed Civilians attacked each other in Boise.

Evidence comes to light that Russia was behind not only Clinton’s assassination, but also the attacks in Boise and elsewhere. Relations with Russia reach an all-time low.

Tim Kaine, in an attempt at trying to heal wounds, nominates Lindsay Graham of South Carolina to be his Vice President.

By the end of Summer, there are an average of 30 Americans killed per week in acts of domestic terrorism. That number only increases as pressure on Russia increases and Trump’s trial gets closer.


If we were given all of the information at once, and if the authorities had acted at once, we would be in the middle of a civil war right now.

Some Americans could handle the truth, some of us were paying attention as this unfolded, but most people couldn’t handle it.

Had this unfolded, we’d call it a coup if it took place anywhere else. And rightly so.

This is why we’re getting all of this one piece at a time, like Johnny Cash’s Cadillac.

Thank you, and have a good one.